If James could have a super power, he would want to fly. I, on the other hand, would obviously want to talk to animals.
When James asked me why, I explained how much easier life would be. (“Mouse, please don’t come out of your hiding place or I will be forced to set traps and kill your sweet self.” “Kitties, if you would stop pooping under my car, I would stop putting crushed red pepper flakes all over the driveway.”) To this, the love of my life laughed at me and told me that he is pretty sure that animals would have nothing to say other than “EAT. REPRODUCE. FLEE.”
Obviously, he is wrong, which I know, because I attempt to talk to all animals I encounter, and I am pretty sure it is working. As evidence I offer the following pictures. I noticed an especially plucky little squirrel friend trotting along the steps and I called out to him in my pseudo creepy animal voice and HE CAME OVER. Here you can see him about to climb into my hand and become my Best Squirrel Friend For Life.
Unfortunately, I was so excited by my super power that I screamed with joy, and my Best Friend took off. My enthusiasm was too much for his pea-sized brain. I am giving you a close up so you can see my scream. Note that, despite the miracle at hand, James does not even shift his facial expression.
Let the record show that if you talk, the animals listen.