Marriage doesn’t fix things.

ImageI’m pretty sure marriage is going to be great.

I am ready to be done with saying goodbye to James in the evening or having to drive across town to see him. I am ready to start our life together. But I know it won’t be perfect, despite the fact that I get to marry my best friend, the very best of men.

Back during my year in Kentucky when I would go on long yoga walks with Amanda and pine about getting engaged, she would tell me over and over, “Marriage doesn’t fix things.”  And even though I still have no first hand experience, I know she’s right. All marriage really does is put two very fallen selfish individuals with an untried idea of love under the same roof. Marriage means a forfeit of independence, and an end to individual decision making. Marriage won’t fix the fact that I like to buy lots more clothes than James, that he thinks the floor is an appropriate spot to store laundry, or that we have very different tastes in a whole number of things. In fact, marriage will probably exacerbate our differences. But it also gives us the time to work them out. Through the grace of God, marriage will act as a crucible to burn out (hopefully) all that is selfish, unloving, and ungrateful in us both.

This past week James and I got the keys to our apartment (!!!!!) and this weekend we headed over to paint the bedroom before starting to move stuff in. Before painting, we brushed prayers for our home on the walls. We have painted benedictions into the foundations of our home. So may they be in our lives. Image

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24 Responses to Marriage doesn’t fix things.

  1. Liz says:

    i love this :) so excited for your new place! though will have plenty of angst about you being gone from me. * weep *

  2. Kelly says:

    This made my cry. So true, and I love the prayers you all painted on the walls. I went to church with my Meema this morning–and by went to to church I mean watched it on T.V. because she’s no longer ambulatory–but the pastor preached such a fantastic sermon about love. I think so many people have difficulty loving because they don’t love with and through God. I know I am definitely guilty of that, and you really have to give yourself to God and pray that he helps you love. I think it will always be a work in progress, but that’s why it is so beautiful. You and James are millions of years ahead of couples who have been married for years! You know just the right to way to love, and you will be so so so happy!!! :)

  3. redhairedrebel says:

    This is something I have thought a lot about, as I am sure you can imagine. You presented it beautifully, my friend. And I absolutely love that you and James painted blessings and prayers on your walls. Truly wonderful :-)

  4. Amy Grace Duncan says:

    My dad always says, “marriage is the best and the hardest thing you can do in life”. It is true! I live the prayers on the walls. :)

  5. I LOVE the idea of painting prayers on the walls. :) May I pin this?! :)
    You are right about marriage– it certainly doesn’t fix things, but it certainly is sanctifying and completely wonderful. I’m so excited for you and James!

  6. Sarah Fletcher says:

    I know we don’t know each other very well, but I really love checking your blog. I also love this idea. As someone who just recently got married, I can definitely attest to the fact that it fixes nothing. I am still the selfish, stubborn human being that I have, unfortunately, always been. However, God has also used my marriage to heal me and teach me. And for that I am entirely grateful. Marriage has been very difficult at times for me, but that is because both my husband and I have so much more to learn about how to love. I pray the best for you and James.

  7. Leslie Grimard says:

    Very cute and wonderful post Hannah!

  8. Becky Crouse says:

    Wonderful post, Hannah! Speaking from (almost 4 years!) experience, I totally agree (4 years seems so long and so short at the same time)–there is so much I still need refined. And, I can also say that marriage IS great. I’m so glad you and James are starting off with the best foundation, and pray you will always remember those prayers. :)

  9. “Marriage doesn’t fix things.” So profound. It is awesome and I love every minute of it, but it does not fix things, that is for sure. Best of luck on your new adventure.

  10. Heidi says:

    Lots of people told me the first year would be the hardest…but I can only think of how wonderful it’s been. Somehow, learning how to argue was wonderful. So was learning (the hard way) how to sacrifice ourselves (and we still have a long way to go). It’s hard, but truly better than not being married. There are no more goodbyes. :)

  11. bkjergaard says:

    I got a little teary at this. And then I got really excited that you’re going grey! So much goodness to come!

  12. Hannah,

    I have thought the very same things myself. I am excited for no more goodbyes, and I also know I like to buy clothes way more than he does. It will be the most exciting adventure : ). God bless you two!

  13. Sarah says:

    THIS story … I love. God bless you both in your marriage!!

  14. Pingback: A picture to express how different this person I married is from me. | The Art in Life

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  16. Haylie says:

    Love this. I always had a sneaking suspicion that I was not a very nice person… Well, at least that I wasn’t as nice as maybe it looked like I was! Aaaand I definitely found that to be true, being married to my husband. He’s totally my best friend, but I feel like in our 3 and a half-ish years of marriage I’ve only JUST begun to realize how much grace I need (and how much HE needs too… ahem.) :D

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