25 weeks.

25weeks-125weeks-5Every week I subject my mother and a few other friends and family members to a truly terrible cell phone bump selfie with a riveting caption like “THE BUMP IS GROWING,” or “LOOK AT MY STOMACH.” And every week, my near and dear text back the appropriate gushing responses, emojis, etc. to assure me that the poorly lit, half-body, awkward selfies I send to document this baby are appreciated. But for you all I’m trying to keep it a respectable once a month affair. Mostly because I have no clue how to bump pose, and if someone would like to send me a non-awkward guide to posing with a growing stomach, I would be eternally grateful. Especially now that I have crossed the threshold from “kinda fat/maybe a heavy drinker” to “probably pregnant.” Of course, while this is a nice clarification, I still get just a tad insulted when people can tell I’m pregnant without my declaration, an emotion even my friend at 33 weeks confesses that she still feels. What’s that stranger??? You NOTICED that I have a tiny basketball under my shirt, that I am wearing jeans with a [fantastic] elastic panel, that I am strutting about with my hand knowingly on my stomach? HOW DARE YOU.  But don’t think I’ve just put on weight either. No, please go on assuming that I am a size 4 supermodel in retirement, constantly resorting to Yoga and juice cleanses to maintain my trim physique. Yes I know that I was never those things even before growing a human in my person, but that is how I, in my hormonal majesty, have decided you must see me. DO NOT CROSS ME ON THIS ONE.

25 weeks! Or 5.83 months if you do the math, which I did, just to be certain. For months we just shrugged off any baby preparation duties because we had so long… and now I am counting weekends and thinking, what? How are there only 15 weeks left? We need to register with the hospital! And find a pediatrician! And move boxes out of his room! And write 2 chapters of my dissertation as promised! And pick a name that isn’t Gustave Felix, the joking name my brother’s fiancé suggested…. that has become how I refer to this bump. This is a problem. It’s also how parents end up naming their children horrible things.

I started feeling him move a couple weeks ago, much later than many expectant moms due to my placenta placement. [I can’t believe I just put the word placenta on this blog. Gross. But true!] Three hard thumps as I was falling asleep… followed by days of a repeat sensation every time I tried to rest, leading to at least one crying bout of exhaustion in the midst of my excitement. But last Friday, he finally started kicking enough for James to feel it, and I can’t even tell you how excited that made me. No one explained to me the strangely isolating aspect of pregnancy. James is as excited and supportive as any spouse on the planet could possibly be…. but this is still happening in my body. And until that bump grows bigger and he can feel and see more, it is easy to feel like it is just my thing, my baby, my wonderful burden. Being pregnant has given me a whole new sympathy for the women who find themselves expecting without a support network, without people to get those grainy cell phone pics and send back all the heart eye emojis, to ship them boxes of maternity clothes, to enthusiastically listen to reports about indigestion and lotion rituals. To remind them that this is a human, a whole soul, a life of promise, even when it felt like nothing at all. Being pregnant has made me more pro-life than ever… and also given me new compassion and pain for women who are going through this truly alone.

But enough pregnant rambling. Suffice to say that baby boy is growing strong and we are growing more attached every day. Gustave Felix (MUST FIND A REAL NAME), you’re a winner. Now please, stop kicking my bladder when I go running.

25weeks-3

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28 Responses to 25 weeks.

  1. I have been following your blog since 2012 and i dont comment much, but i just wanted to say that i am so incredibly happy for you and James. I love all your updates, they make me smile. Your “bump poses” are perfect lol.

  2. What’s wrong with Gustave Felix? =p

  3. Natalie says:

    You still go running?? Good for you, haha. I stopped the second I knew I was pregnant, mostly because of that awful first trimester nausea and exhaustion. And Felix isn’t bad as a first name! It’s my dad’s name and I’ve always liked it. Plus, he’d fit in well if you took him to France. 🙂

    • Hannah says:

      Ok, by running, I should say “shuffling.” It’s a run walk combo that has diminished in frequency but still happens…. Sometimes. But I chalk it up to a lucky break with how easy this pregnancy had been, and my super flexible schedule. I can make workouts fit into whatever part of my day where I feel best and that makes all the difference!

  4. Katy says:

    I am due this weekend! 5 days to be exact but you know, who is counting?? (me, me, me) And I can relate to you on the placenta issue – it took me awhile to feel baby girl kick too due to the placenta. I probably began feeling her around the same time you did. But now, she is big and head down so she kicks in different areas than the placenta and it almost hurts. I, too, was super excited when hubby could finally feel her. It is isolating – you get so excited or so anxious or so sick but no one else can feel the “effects” of the baby so its so nice when the husband feels it too. Whats really fun is when you get to the stage where he doesn’t have to try to feel her – where you just are lying next to him or give him a hug and he feels your belly move – like he/she wants to join in the conversation and fun!

    However, after being so excited for him to feel her kick, I am almost mourning the end of pregnancy – super excited to have her here and to not be swollen and in pain – but now I have to share her with others and I don’t like that haha!! For a few more days, she is mainly just mine.

    Best of luck with your pregnancy. I enjoy following!

    PS I also agree with pregnancy making you more pro life. We have been pregnant twice and lost one baby and both experiences make me wonder how anyone could doubt the humanity of a fetus. How can women get excited about the heartbeat they see on their own ultrasound and then be pro-choice? How could someone mourn a “wanted” baby but not an “unwanted” fetus? Makes no sense to me!

    • Hannah says:

      It’s true- it will be weird to share this baby once he makes his entrance!!! (though I try not to think too much about the actual making of the entrance process….). You are so close!!!

  5. I’m constantly impressed with your ability to pull something profound out of your everyday perspective. Thank you for being observant and sharing your views and lessons with us.

  6. This is just the most adorable and hilarious post. Congratulations to you and James and I’m so glad you’ve got your people loving on you guys. Also I’m pretttttty sure you’ve mastered the adorable bump poses.

    • Hannah says:

      That’s just because I made sure to have James take them on a day where my outfit was flattering (frequently NOT the case!) and I didn’t put up the super bad ones. ; ) Curatorial license!

  7. E.H says:

    YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, GIRL! ❤

  8. Ashley Smith says:

    “kinda fat/maybe a heavy drinker” to “probably pregnant” – hahaha that’s hilarious!! My husband’s favorite fake name is Christof ‘Champ’ Thaddaeus. I don’t even know sometimes… 🙂

  9. Heidi says:

    1. I dare you to take bump pictures in every crazy pose you can think of and then post them. And then when/if I have another one, I’ll do the same thing. Pinky swear. 😉
    2. My new favorite name is Emmet, but I read online that it has something to do with Twilight (of which I have no clue) so I might never get to use it.
    3. You look adorable.

    • Hannah says:

      Yeah…. Emmett is the hulking thug of a vampire… and I should be ashamed that I know that. I liked the name Silas (James hated it) and I told a student who helpfully commented that it belongs to another pop culture vampire. WHY DO THEY TAKE ALL THE GOOD NAMES???

  10. Chantel says:

    You are beautiful!! Look up the YouTube channel SmarterEveryday. Destin’s wife had beautiful pregnancy pictures taken as silhouettes in the dark. I wish I had done that!
    Also, thank you for the simple bread recipe that you shared a while ago. My kids, 11 and 6, love it!
    I am praying your pregnancy goes well and your little man has a safe delivery!

  11. Kit says:

    http://www.swistle.com/babynames/

    For baby name inspiration and thought processes. I’m a huge name nerd even though I’m no where near mothering one myself. Hope it helps! 🙂 congrats

    PS: I think you got non-awkward bump pics down to science.

  12. You look great! And… my dad lobbied to name every single one of my brothers “Starker Grandison.” Gustave Felix doesn’t sound so bad now, does it.

    • Hannah says:

      That is a mighty mouthful! : ) James and I do a lot of testing of names with careers… like “Does this name open or shut professional doors/will our child be ashamed?”

  13. WomanLoved says:

    For our three, we picked a first name which had a meaning which speaks life or something of God over them (Grace, Isaac, Olivia), and then two middle names each one Polish as my late paternal grandfather was, and one after a hero/kingdom building/justice seeking example (to us) of the Christian faith… Teresa (as in mother Teresa), Oscar (Romero) and Rosa (as in Rosa Parks). This has helped us frame our choices more easily. Have fun and good luck, oh and you have loads of time to decide. X

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