For the ladies.

FamilyOf course, most posts on this site are for the ladies. Pretty sure my constituent demographics tend towards the girly end of the spectrum, and I am totally ok with that. (Though if you are a man reading- welcome, try not to be scared.)

We spent all of last Saturday being crazy productive. New driver’s licenses that only took 2.5 hours at the DMV to get! (Sidenote: do not EVER get a new DL picture at almost 8 moths pregnant. It will only confirm every fear you have about carrying ALL of your pregnancy weight in your face. It will immortalize your strange pregnant hair growth and throw you into a truly despondent state. It will almost make you weep when you realize that DC’s new license process means that this photo will continue to be reused FOREVER.) Vaccines that took forever! Traffic! Stroller picked up and assembled! Chair picked up and assembled! Friends visited! Photoshoot done for some friends (the top photos is from this family shoot-more to come)! Alllllll of the things! Of course, it was about time we started being productive, as this baby is coming in 5 weeks and we were still sitting around waiting for that famous nesting urge to kick in, but no- I just kept on getting Netflix watching urges, or stress about politics urges, or really any urge other than preparing. But prepare we must, because that time is coming.

All the preparation had me thinking about Mother’s Day, and announcing to James that this would be my first Mother’s Day. He tried telling me that I don’t get a gift until the baby is outside my womb, to which I responded with the full force of emotional manipulation and informed him that he cannot claim to be pro-life and then deny me Mother’s Day status because my child is pre-born. Winning. Really the whole thing is just a ploy to get a massage, because we have officially reached the “everything is sore stage.” I’m not really sure how the logistics of this massage work, as lying on my stomach is so 5 months ago, but I am eager to find out.

Anyway, here are some things from around the web of the female focused variety  for your perusing pleasure.

For the mothers in your life who mourn children on Mother’s Day instead of eat breakfast in bed alongside them.

#reality instead of #blessed.  Because who has time to eat yogurt from a tiny spoon made from a company that donates tiny spoons to people?

Make this girly cake for a special occasion…. and then just eat it all yourself. Not that I did that. Absolutely not. (But maybe.)

And to top it off, some random fashion commentary, from someone woefully unqualified to give it and usually happy to leave it to the multitudes of well-dressed fashion bloggers. But guys, the J.Crew magazine came the other day and I had to Snapchat all of my emotions to my friend Sarah (who should actually be a fashion blogger, because she is the epitome of well dressed). This summer will not be my finest season. I plan on showing my post-partum body some love by not judging its flabby self and letting it take its sweet time to sort itself out. This means that I am pretty much sitting out new clothes and summer collections this year, and my sideline status gives me a great vantage point to offer some unbiased reflections on things in style. Some highlights from the J.Crew catalogue included…

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These seem like a good idea, and I have spent much of my life trying to embrace the high-waisted sailor pants. Inevitably, they look like I am trying to be  backup dancer in a 1950’s musical. But what better way to make them less costume like… than by covering them in stripes???? Points for something I love, negative points for something that the average person will struggle to wear.

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NO J.CREW. YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR. Yes, homeschool  conventions from the mid 90’s and mission trips with strict dress codes are thrilled that you have embraced their style, but STOP. That small child is rejoicing that she doesn’t have to wear them, while the model is clinging to the wallet that she just emptied to buy something truly unattractive.

Screen Shot 2016-05-02 at 3.31.01 PMFrom left to right: Yes, “longish” is awkward on most people but yes, and NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. TAKE BACK YOUR DENIM JUMPER NOW. Who wants a fitted denim bodice in the summer? Nope.

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Ok J.Crew, actually everything about this is perfect. Good to know you are still capable of making me want to dump all my dollars on your overpriced clothes. I shall abstain, but I shall pine.

Now then. Aren’t you glad you started your week with this post of truly useless factoids and opinions? You’re welcome.

 

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14 Responses to For the ladies.

  1. Heidi says:

    You totally get Mother’s Day while pregnant…it’s a baby, right? It’s your baby, right? Right. I totally used the same logic on Alex; the Mother’s Day I was pregnant with Callan I got Julia Child’s two volume cookbook set (I asked for it)…in hindsight, I should have asked for a massage.

  2. Ashley Smith says:

    Hahaha homeschool convention! Yes! Pretty sure I attended one of those in very similar high waisted jeans with weird buttons AND I distinctly remember having a growth spurt, so they fit about the same as on that model. J Crew forgot the chunky Doc Martins though, which perfectly rounds out the look.

    • Hannah says:

      As the wife and friend of many wonderful former homeschoolers, I felt I was qualified to make the comparison. : ) But yes- Doc Martins are needed!

  3. lisslynae says:

    I’m a person that tries to be highly fashionable and ends up just being highly unique and making it work well. That said–denim is still a mistake. Denim jumpers?!? DENIM CULOTTES? It needs to end, because Sad Middleschool Me wore those, and thought they were cool and they emphatically are not.

    • Hannah says:

      I know right???? Not cool, denim explosion. Stick with pants and jackets.

      • lisslynae says:

        Honestly, I was excited when it became reasonably acceptable to wear jean jackets again. I was even more excited, however, when I could subtly throw out all jean skirts that my mother ever forced on me.

  4. Your commentary on the catalog was truly a highlight of my week! I can never get on board with any sort of overall trend because of growing up going to Harvest Parties, and then went on to a college where people wore decorated overalls to football games. I can’t put on overalls without feeling like I need to either paint some fake freckles on my face and have hay hanging out of my mouth, or be yelling for my football team. Neither of those associations lends itself to capital-F Fashion. And yeah, living in Houston makes any kind of denim dress my worst nightmare.

    • Hannah says:

      My biggest beef with overalls is that they just don’t work for tall people– major high waters/ cutting in uncomfortable spots. Not cool.

  5. WomanLoved says:

    Seriously chuckling. Thanks xx

  6. I loooove everything at the J Crew outlet, but boo hoo, they don’t carry petites there. I tried on a t-shirt that was 99% perfect but it was about two inches too long… so the “chest” pocket sat at the top of my abdomen. It was so silly. SHORT PEOPLE DEMAND JUSTICE.

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